Not having a car has made me appreciate how many people ride the bus, and how much i am not one of them anymore.
I rode the bus down to get my hair cut last night, which was done with extraordinary skill by a fellow named David who liked to put his hands on my shoulders. Nice guy, though. And then i rode it back and walked for a bit and i realized that i never walk anywhere anymore either. I only sit and drive and bitch about parking. I haven't had to worry about parking for about three days now, and i'm much, MUCH healthier.
I ordered a pair of white pants and i imagine that i'll look like i belong on stage when they arrive. I ordered a black pair of the exact same pants, which were more expensive. I guess that means not quite so many people want white pants. Pity that. All the more for me.
Been listening to a lot of Beck lately. Sea Change. Back in high school my favorite musicians were Nick Drake, Elliott Smith and Beck. Two had killed themselves and when Sea Change came out i was really worried that he'd do the same before too long. Scientology works, i guess.
I have spent no more than fifteen minutes being sad since the breakup. I have a crack in the right corner of my mouth that looks like i tried to be the Joker one night but pussed out. I have a crack in the right corner of my mouth that looks like herpetic scarring. I have a crack in the right corner of my mouth that looks like i got a credit card shoved in my mouth like Elijah Wood from Green Street Hooligans. I just put my card in my mouth and it was really easy for me. Elijah wood has a really small mouth, i guess. I feel like ringing the dinner bell for all the celebrity gossip blogs. Did he ever come out? I have a crack in the right corner of my mouth and i have a lot of things to compare it to.
kick an empty can across an empty floor.
I'm single now. It doesn't have the heft to it that i'd imagined. Day-to-day (we're on number 3 now) my life hasn't changed much, except that i've been binge-drinking and angry and i threw a bottle off my balcony into the street last night. I woke up and a lot of stuff was broken, a lot of inexplicable bruises. Made an asshat out of myself. So yeah, i guess it's different.
I get calls from my family and they're all worried, and i feel like every new family member who calls gives me just a little more experience in putting them all at ease. I'm just going through the motions now for those calls.
I'm throwing a party tonight, sort of a joint-birthday venture with a friend. There's gonna be a lot of people over here, a lot to drink and a girl i've been tempted by for the last week. We'll see where that goes. I'm cleaning my room now, the sheets are clean, i just need to pick up some trash on the floor and replace a lightbulb or two. Oh, and fold some clothes. and hide the evidence of a complete mental and emotional collapse. Shit, i've got stuff to do.
I haven't been single in such a long time that i don't even own condoms anymore. Jesus. I don't think it'll come to that tonight though. I sort of hope it doesn't, for more reasons that the fact i'm not equipped at the moment.
So i have no girlfriend, no car (mine's in the shop til the 22nd) no future and a lot of booze. And a lot of time.
What's a boy to do?